I am not a prize.

Maybe I am not interested.

Maybe I like the challenge
he says-
a smirk on his face.

You like the challenge?
I want to ask.
This is not a challenge
for what will you win?
I am not, nor will I ever be
a prize to be won.
I am not some compensation that you receive
for all your effort.
I am not the medal that you
receive at the end of the race.
I am the water that you crave
that you need
as you run.

I am a woman.

I am a forest
filled with trees
and flowers
and colours.
I am beautiful and I am brilliant.

I am a woman.
I am a force of nature.
I am a rainstorm.
I am a flood.
I will drown out all of your words.
I am the wind.
I am a hurricane.
I will blow you away.
I will blow down your stereotypes
and ideas of what you think
ought to be yours.

I am not some beautiful, precious,
fragile, senseless thing
for you to acquire.

I am a woman.
I am not I prize.
I am art.
I am a masterpiece.

And you

you will always merely
be

the boy that thought
he could win me.

I will be a cactus

Like a cactus
I will grow where I am planted.

I will live off little
and require no
special attention.

My flowers will blossom
and I will be
beautiful

and I will prosper.

As musiek ‘n troos was

As musiek ‘n troos was

sou jy my troos wees?

Sou jy soet stiltes

in my oor kom fluister

en met ‘n melodie al die seer kom stil maak?

 

Sou jy my aan die slaap kom sing

liefling?

 

As die liefde minder boos was

sou jy my met jou liefde

kom omvou?

Sou jy my omhels in die reën

en my vir ewig daar vashou?

 

Sou jy my saggies nag kom soen,

liefling?

 

As ons geweet het wat more sal bring,

sou jy die sonopkoms vir my bring?

Sou jy die dag vir my gee

as ‘n geskenk?

 

Sou jy jou toekoms met my kom deel.

liefling?

 

 

 

He was willing

he was willing to

give her

the moon

and the stars

yet he could not understand

that all she ever wanted

was his love.

Future tense

Sometimes you have to let go

of all that you think you know

and embrace the future

no matter how

uncertain it might be

or how scared you feel.

A girl I used to be.

I have started making my instant coffee

by pouring the milk first

before the water follows.

 

Someone told me that pouring boiling water

onto the instant coffee directly

will cause the powder to burn

and thus the drink will leave

a bitter taste on my tongue.

 

At first, I did not believe them-

I still do not,

and yet, of late,

when I pick up the kettle to pour

boiling water in my cup,

I hesitate

and rather pour the milk first

before the water follows.

 

I know that the coffee will taste the same

and I know that it is a mind game

but still,

I am no longer a “water first” lady.

I this change seems fitting,

since lately

I am no longer a girl I used to be.

 

Stranger

It was just past two in the morning

when we first met.

You seemed drunk

and smelled of cigarette smoke

and cologne that I did not recognize,

your mind seemed hazed

and your gaze was distant

Yet your eyes came alive

as you spoke of literature

and your words drowned out the stars

when you spoke of writing.

I am this.

We are different.

I’m the short girl in class. I am known for my length and my frizzy hair. I always have been and I probably always will be, but that’s okay because that’s me.

I enjoy reading. I enjoy hiding my head behind a book so that I do not have to be confronted with the screaming reality all around me. Books help me to escape. I cannot stop reading when I know there are still so many books to be read. Reading is how I block out the voices of this world and even the voice in my head.

I love music. Indie, Indie-folk, Indie-alternative, Indie-rock, rock. It depends on my mood, really. I love music, yet I never quite understand how listening to music can be a way of busying oneself. Yes, I enjoy music, the sound, the melody and the words and I do have some songs where I just have to close my eyes and take it all in. But, to me, music is not a verb. It is an adjective, an adverb. It is what I use to block out noise while I work or read, it is my company on long walks or when I am alone. And Goodness help me if I hear another person moan: Music is meant to be listened to, it’s not supposed to be background music. If music is your life, that’s all and well, that’s good, you do you. But please be okay with the fact that music is not all in all my soul’s food, I am not you and you are not me. We are different. And please understand when I say: “you” is not someone I would ever want to be.

I like being alone. Don’t get me wrong, my friends are my home, they’re where I belong. But people are exhausting. After a long day I need to regenerate, yet after a while, I crave human interaction, and if not provided with it I start to hesitate…Am I truly loved/ Does anybody really give a damn? Strange, I know, but that’s just who  I am.

I love writing. It is my refuge when my head is filled with words and thoughts. It is the only way that I can face my fears and failures. Yet sometimes I feel unworthy… Like I have no right to write… Like my words are too inexperienced… Yet even though my words are less important or potent than yours I will continue to write for it is an escape and a privileged for which I will fight. I will continue to moan in the ears of the internet and I will not be caught up society’s web that is composed of yells like: WE GET IT, YOU ARE AN EMOTIONAL WRECK, NOW SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

I will not give in to the demands of this tiring world or the voices in my head that tells me that I am unworthy.

I am loved. I am creative. I am a poet, a dreamer, a reader, a writer.

I am still discovering and inventing myself, yet I know that I am this.

.

There comes a time…

There comes a time in your life when you have to realise that life is merely that- life.

It is not more and not less

Life is beautiful, wonderful and full of love and adventure.

Life is full of hurt and loss and pain and death.

You make friends and you lose them

You love and love blooms and it is beautiful or it dies and rots and makes you bitter.

Some days you laugh and dance and some days you stay in bed for the lack of a reason to live.

Life is beautiful as it should be.

Life is hard as it should be.

But whatever life is today, be sure to live it.