Better to leave?

“Better to leave than to be left” said the page of her novel.

She wanted to turn the page, yet she could not. Her eyes were fixed on the words. These words of a thirteen year old fictional character has captured her thoughts and was not willing to let go. Is it possible that this thirteen year old has convinced her of her fate? Has he just given her the answer to her life long question? How can these harsh words, that is so unlike her, seem to be her salvation?

Is it really that easy? Could she just leave before she gets left behind or shoved away?

Yet, is leaving truly that easy? Is it truly less painful than being left?

No.

How can choosing to tell someone that she no longer wants them, need them or care for them be easy or painless? Does she care too much or has this world turned heartless?

How can breaking someone’s heart, hurting someone, be so much easier that being hurt? Would one not hurt oneself in the mere act of walking away? That is, of course, if you truly cared. You would only be able to walk away without tears in your own eyes and a broken heart of your own if you did not care for the one that you have left.

She did care.

She cared so much. She cares so much for this boy who possibly does not care any longer. She wished that she could do the same and simply stop caring, but it is not that simple. Love is not that simple. Rather: love is simple, people are not. But maybe love is something that he never understood and that is why they cannot be friends.

This has to end.

Someone has to put the other out of their misery. Yet how does she look someone that she cares for, no matter how much they hurt her, in they eyes and crush both of their hearts? They say a strong person can walk away even if it kills them..

Maybe a thirteen year old character simply has more strength than she has, maybe he just has no heart, maybe he simply has no understanding of love and friendship or maybe she is the one who does not understand…

I wrote to you.

I wrote a poem about you.

No,

I wrote a poem to you,

one that you did not deserve.

But I did not write because

you deserved my words,

I wrote because

I needed to say how I feel

without interruptions,

without you seeing me weak.

I shed a tear for you,

one that you did not deserve,

but it was exactly that

that saddened me.

I forgave you.

I forgive you.

I let go,

not because you deserve it

but because I do.

Leave

leaves fall

seasons change

days pass

sunset

silhouette

cheeks wet

day’s end

unfriend

sunrise

tears dry

head high